Losing someone we love is the very painful feeling we couldn’t bear. As a humble slave who rent the life, this is the truth that we couldn’t erase nor choose. Inevitable.
One of my colleague, she just lost her mother to leukemia. Al-Fatihah. I felt disappointed because I wasn’t beside her, because we just had this close heart-to-heart conversation about it the days before. I know how much her feeling, and I know we shouldn’t hurt like this.
It suddenly reminds me of my old sentiment; I once experienced a bad anxious. I mean a very serious and unhealthy feeling. I even had my decision not to go to college because I want to stay at home, I want to take care of my family because I am not afford to let anything unwanted happen while I am not at home, or beside them. Or the least I can do was calling them every minute or even if my bf didn’t answer the phone, am like starting to think that something bad is happen. Psycho? I know he was uncomfortable with me, but I dunno. I maybe act like that because I care so much.
I told my aunt wati (my maksu) about my behavior and what she said was so simple but surprise “ what if that unwanted happen to you ?” I was like, yes..she so damn right. When the time comes, we go. Everybody will, include me..and you! When I was suffer a miserable year because of losing my granma, I had this very good book (Hidup Sesudah Mati, Bey Ariffin) taught me to let go. I mustn’t feel gloom. But feel glad because she just had reached the better place.
Yes, we were in a world apart but we live good, somewhere only we know. And its so beautiful that I still carry the Love, wherever I may roam.