Tuesday, April 15, 2008

It's All Coming Back To Me

It was raining when we visited one of our colleagues. Her mother has passed away. Al Fatihah.

Later when I drive back home, the gloomy sundown brought me to the past years. Suddenly it’s all coming back to me.
There was me in hospital ward together with the other family members, standing beside our beloved. She was in critical condition, unconscious. In about 30 minutes the doctor and few nurses confirmed that we have just loss her. And I was begging the doctor to allow the oxygen to be supplied for at least a little some time. I just can’t believe.
It was Ramadhan 2005.
At the graveyard, I just let myself alone. From the hill I can saw our bendang. Yesterday I was playing with her, my granny. Yesterday I was 9, usually after school I walk myself to bendang and fool around with her and my late grandpa. I don’t have so many friends when I was a kid. I played alone, and with my best friend; my granny Hatimah Illyas.
I miss your hug. It was very tender, warm with love. She was always never busy for me. She always said that I am the best, though I am not. I remember I ran to her and sobbing that my mum scolded me about my paper exam..and she in a very comfortable way said " belajar memang susah, nanti bole cuba". We always have our time together, watching TVB/Korean/Japan series.
I can’t take it. She shouldn’t depart at this time. She must with me when I have my first salary, on my wedding day or playing with my kids.
Every night I will make sure that she is alright, her door closed so that she can sleep tight. How can I leave her alone here?
I love you.
And as the last soil hide her body, I know that the love will live alive.
It was a very hard time for me. I cried every time. I just can’t help myself. One night my youngest nephew suddenly said ‘nenek’ like he calling my granny to this old lady. Some said innocent kids can see beyond us. And I was like chasing the old lady. I want to have her hand and kiss it. But in the crowd, I lost her. I was despairing. I must be crazy. But when it’s true, it’s true.
It was a very terrible year for me. I keep telling everyone about my granny. And when I lay down on bed, I make my hand up to the ceiling like reaching her. I know she is so far away. But I still met her in my dream. I must be crazy.
One day my mum’s aunt said to me that I must let her to continue her long journey. I can’t be miserable for this. Instead, pray for her. “dia pergi tak kembali” ..And she gave me this book Alam Kubur and I began so obsessed to know Hidup Sudah Mati.
Now, I almost didn’t dream about her. Maybe she is busy in her journey . I know, I must be good so I could be in her hug again, one sweet day. Heaven knows.
It’s almost 2 years, and time will always further on.
But I just want to let everyone knows that we still living with her memories.
Al – Fatihah.

P/s I remember the soundtrack for An American Tale, an animated film movie I watched with her when I was 9 or so. It’s a very sweet song.

Somewhere Out There
by Linda Ronstadt & Jamew Ingram
Somewhere out there
Beneath the pale moon light
Someone's thinking of me
And loving me tonight
Somewhere out there
Someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another
In that big somewhere out there
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing
On the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing
On the same bright star
Somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

It's All Coming Back To Me

It was raining when we visited one of our colleagues. Her mother has passed away. Al Fatihah.

Later when I drive back home, the gloomy sundown brought me to the past years. Suddenly it’s all coming back to me.
There was me in hospital ward together with the other family members, standing beside our beloved. She was in critical condition, unconscious. In about 30 minutes the doctor and few nurses confirmed that we have just loss her. And I was begging the doctor to allow the oxygen to be supplied for at least a little some time. I just can’t believe.
It was Ramadhan 2005.
At the graveyard, I just let myself alone. From the hill I can saw our bendang. Yesterday I was playing with her, my granny. Yesterday I was 9, usually after school I walk myself to bendang and fool around with her and my late grandpa. I don’t have so many friends when I was a kid. I played alone, and with my best friend; my granny Hatimah Illyas.
I miss your hug. It was very tender, warm with love. She was always never busy for me. She always said that I am the best, though I am not. I remember I ran to her and sobbing that my mum scolded me about my paper exam..and she in a very comfortable way said " belajar memang susah, nanti bole cuba". We always have our time together, watching TVB/Korean/Japan series.
I can’t take it. She shouldn’t depart at this time. She must with me when I have my first salary, on my wedding day or playing with my kids.
Every night I will make sure that she is alright, her door closed so that she can sleep tight. How can I leave her alone here?
I love you.
And as the last soil hide her body, I know that the love will live alive.
It was a very hard time for me. I cried every time. I just can’t help myself. One night my youngest nephew suddenly said ‘nenek’ like he calling my granny to this old lady. Some said innocent kids can see beyond us. And I was like chasing the old lady. I want to have her hand and kiss it. But in the crowd, I lost her. I was despairing. I must be crazy. But when it’s true, it’s true.
It was a very terrible year for me. I keep telling everyone about my granny. And when I lay down on bed, I make my hand up to the ceiling like reaching her. I know she is so far away. But I still met her in my dream. I must be crazy.
One day my mum’s aunt said to me that I must let her to continue her long journey. I can’t be miserable for this. Instead, pray for her. “dia pergi tak kembali” ..And she gave me this book Alam Kubur and I began so obsessed to know Hidup Sudah Mati.
Now, I almost didn’t dream about her. Maybe she is busy in her journey . I know, I must be good so I could be in her hug again, one sweet day. Heaven knows.
It’s almost 2 years, and time will always further on.
But I just want to let everyone knows that we still living with her memories.
Al – Fatihah.

P/s I remember the soundtrack for An American Tale, an animated film movie I watched with her when I was 9 or so. It’s a very sweet song.

Somewhere Out There
by Linda Ronstadt & Jamew Ingram
Somewhere out there
Beneath the pale moon light
Someone's thinking of me
And loving me tonight
Somewhere out there
Someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another
In that big somewhere out there
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing
On the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing
On the same bright star
Somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true